Have you ever seen that meme that says if you’re too busy to read your scriptures and pray then you are busier than God intends you to be?
It’s midnight. I still have two chapters to read for my homework assignment due tomorrow, a mostly un-sewn quilt top for relief society on my bedroom floor (it’s currently the cleanest surface in my house even though my sewing machine is clear in the basement), I just barely put dinner away, and I am sure The Lord wants more from me than opening my scriptures and reading a random verse without thinking about it because my brain stops working at 10 (man, to be young again. Who knew 28 was so old!). But I also know that all of the things happening in my life are needful and beneficial steps. What am I to do?
I’ve studied the time quadrants. I have got the urgent and important things at the top of my to do list. The problem is, I never complete all of the urgent/important things before some tasks that were important but not urgent suddenly become urgent. I confess that I unwind with pointless games quite often, and sometimes I scroll through mindless Facebook posts. But right now, Facebook is about the only interaction I get with friends. I, as a woman, require friend time. And Facebook is about all I get. Otherwise, I’m seriously considering making appointments to see my friends. But I’d have to find times for appointments.
I know that this is just temporary, and I also know I find it completely fulfilling knowing that each day I work my tail off I get closer to where I want to be, but I also know I am quickly approaching burnout.
Let’s talk about my life for a minute. Last year, I was stuck in limbo. As soon as the year changed to 14, I’ve been in fast-forward.
Firstly… I’m moving. I don’t know where. I don’t know when. I just know that it is happening. And it’s all thanks to my amazing grandmother. It’s a long story, but basically we are walking away from a time-bomb house. Our house has been causing us immense frustration for some time. It’s old and increasingly unsafe. It’s also underwater with an extremely high interest rate. We’ve tried and tried to fix the sinking ship but it has just kept pulling us down. When my grandmother died, it provided the opportunity to walk away free and clear (abandon ship!) and we’re taking that chance. We’ll be here as long as it takes to get the paperwork in place. It could be tomorrow, it could be 15 weeks. And where we go after that is also up in the air. We’ve been looking at houses for sale, but every time we find one, they sell before we get our ducks in a row. First, our pre-approval took too long (seriously, that bank was the worst experience ever. It’s been 3 months and we’re still waiting to hear back from them), so our realtor suggested another lender. She approved us, but the pentameter a were nearly impossible to meet. So we found a third lender that gave us the things we’re looking for, and we’ve found a house that I absolutely love, but the way to purchase it is a little picky, so I have to do my homework and learn a little legalese. You know, in my spare time.
So, I’m trying to yardsale stuff I don’t want to move with (it is filling my front room), and pack for a house I don’t know exists yet.
And I’m going to school (2 classes. Philosophy of education and psychology and cognition of education).
And I’m tutoring a student (gotta get field experience. It has actually given me a lot to think about and learn from).
Oh! And we’ve been doing all kinds of testing to figure out why it’s been 2 1/2 years of trying and still no viable pregnancies. The results? We’re completely normal. The doc says we can either save up for IVF ($20,000), or try intra-uterine-insemination ($300). The testing itself hasn’t been cheap, so even though it seems like a no-brainer when you look at price, after spending so much for testing, the more reliable bet is IVF. But we’re going to at least try the IUI one month… Next month. And this paragraph may or may not still be here tomorrow when I again become sane. It is a super-personal subject for me.
So, tons going on, right? Well, I also have 4 callings in my ward, I’m a mother, a wife, a poor house-maid (can’t hire help), and a gardener with no garden but tons of garden starts sitting on my kitchen table because it keeps deciding to snow here.
Did I miss anything? Let me check (I wrote down all of the things going on in my life so I could keep track).
Oh yeah, I’m also still trying to get things tidied up with my court case with my ex a year and a half ago. And I’m on the PTO board (though I’ve been extremely negligent with this one). And I’m the parent rep for a committee for the public school district. And I’m planning a trip to see my best friend in Georgia for later this year (here’s hoping I can find time…and $$$). And I should be blogging more. And I do a family craft booth with my family every summer and have to finish the crafts that have been sitting on my sewing room desk for 6 months.
I’m loving every minute of this busy crazy life, but I know I’ve got to let something go. I need time to sleep. I’m thinking of asking to be released from my callings. I’m moving anyway, so someone will have to take over soon. But what else do I drop to get back to a manageable place? I feel that the rest of these tasks are needed. They all have varying deadlines, and I want all of them. What do you guys think?