Ever have one of those days (or weeks… or months…) where you just feel like you’ve got so much to do that it overwhelms you and you feel like doing none of it?
This has been me lately. I have gotten things done, I can’t lie. I trudged through. But the blog… well I’m way behind on some things I really really want to share. Otherwise, I’d just say the past is the past (for some reason Rafiki always comes to my head in moments like that), but there are some pretty awesome events! The birth of my niece probably takes the cake. My life has been boring, too, though. It’s been really boring. And I like it that way. But that also causes conundrums. How do you post the boring “I cleaned the house in my pj’s today and I feel so accomplished!” days?
So I’ve been stuck in limbo. Again.
I think I just hate February. If you could see my track record, February doesn’t bode well. Dark times of winter and I.. we don’t get along. Plus I have this huge problem of trying to set goals in January; I set WAY too many, and then by February, I’m pretty burnt out. I think that’s what got me this year. I can’t complain about the weather, that’s for sure. It’s been the warmest, sunniest winter I can ever remember. Although I got barely any sunlight last year, so that might have something to do with it. Moving instead of planting a garden will do that to you.
Part of my quietude is that I’m trying to simplify. I’m starting to realize that God has one path for me. And I have 10 paths for myself. I’ve been trying to jump between every path, and it’s just not working. The things I want to do are so plentiful, and I feel such anxiety about letting any of them go. But I know they’re my to-do list, not God’s. When I watched last conference, the clearest message I received (not in what they were saying, but in what I was feeling) was that God needed me, but that he couldn’t use me because I was too tied up in other stuff. I know that sounds bigger than I mean it to, but I think it’s true of a lot of people. We tie up all of our time. We get into bondage with debt or commitments or addictions (why am I always on Facebook? I hate Facebook!). We fill our lives and our hearts. I’ve been running at max capacity for so long, it’s hard to de-junk;I need to de-junk my life, my responsibilities, and my to-do list. But I still don’t want to let anything go! I want to design FHE lessons. I want to make a family cookbook. I want to start a school. I want to remodel this house. I want to spend time with my daughter. I want to make crafts. I want to make party printables. I want to quilt. I want to read. They’re all good desires. But they’re my desires. I keep thinking to the scripture of the man who tells Christ that he’ll follow Him, if Christ will just let the man bury his father.
And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.
And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house. And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. ~Luke 9:59-42
Yep. That about sums it up. “Father, I’ll do the work you want me to do, but first, let me do all this other stuff.” But it’s hard to let go! So, I’m making a last stitch effort to finish some almost finished projects. And I’m weeding out the rest.
I DID finish the Old Testament! I’ve been trying to study it completely for 5 years. And a month.
Let me just say that this has become one intensely marked-up book!
We’ve also been supporting our local library by listening to TONS of audiobooks. Most of them I’ve read before, but I’m sharing them with my kiddo now. She’s enjoying them. She’s especially enjoying that she can read according to her interest maturity instead of her reading maturity. (Still can’t get a school to test her for a reading “difference.” Don’t even get me started on her teacher. I’ll just say we have VERY different opinions on what it means to be a good teacher and what is an appropriate teaching style. Someone may love her as the teacher for their student. I don’t).
This is now FULL of stickers. The girly is actually pretty proud of herself. And she should be.
I only have 4 other things I’d love to get done, and some of them are big, some are necessary, and some… well I’m not sure.
- Family cookbook. I’ve only said I’d do it for about 7 years now… But every time I start, I’m not happy with it, so I set it aside and think I’ll come up with some clever way to finish it. and in the meantime, I (and my family) have discovered this great resource for recipes… the Internet. And now we have more favorites than when I started! But I’ve been working on meal-planning and this project has been helping me with it, so I’d like to re-tackle this (but perhaps just do it quickly and with less experimentation). I’d also like to come up with some way to have it be online, so that when I’m getting ready to go to the store, I don’t have to take my cookbook with me and I don’t have to try to remember what was on the list for the week.
- Scrapbooks. I’ve got some of the kiddo’s scrapbook done, and most of it is sitting either in disk format or in developed picture format in a box. The same holds true with our weddings scrapbook. In the center of my craftroom (why find a place to put it when I just want to get it done? faulty logic, faulty logic. Leaving it in the center of the floor makes me more frustrated and less likely to do it).
- lesson plans. I really really want to do lesson plans, for both family home evening and homeschooling. The problem is, I don’t even homeschool! But I LOVE making lesson plans. I would love to make the lesson plans to sell as a kit, like some other companies do, but I’m unsure of myself because I’ve only had about 1 month of personal experience. And I do intend to use them in the future, so I keep telling myself if I get them done now, while I’m still waiting to have children to homeschool, by the time I have them, I’ll be prepared. I know, not really a sound philosophy, but neither is having to send my kid to public school simply because a judge says so.
- Quotes. This wishlist item is probably the first to go. I’ve kept quotes I like for my entire life. Sometimes in books, sometimes on scraps of paper. I find myself in cool quotes, and I keep them. But they do no good in a box. Which is currently where they are. And I keep telling myself I’ll type them all up so that they’re in one place. Made a whole Tumblr feed for them, actually. But really, what makes this goal so important? I don’t think I’ll regret not having the quotes around. I’ll find others. But I’m not quite sure yet. Maybe I’ll go through the box quickly and find a few of my favorites.