Author: Keira

Life Lessons

Hezekiah

Keira

I have been reading the Old Testament for about 4 years. I’m still in Kings. I’ve changed the direction of the goal, though. Instead of reading to a specific point each day, thereby getting exhausted, and not reading for a few days afterwards, I am just going to read every day. Get as far as I get, and embrace the change. I know, sort of a no-brainer solution, huh? That’s what I get for looking so close to the problem.

I do have to say, up until the last few chapters of 2 Kings, I was determined that I would never read through the books of Kings again! So depressing and dry. I’ll take Leviticus any day. And then I come across a humble king in all the history of Kings named Hezekiah. He’s my hero. He saves the whole book for me. Here’s a guy, knowing all is lost, and still fighting for restoring faith to his people. He already knows Judah is going to face the same fate as Israel in a few short years, and yet he gives it all he’s got to save the people. Isaiah even says that it’s too late, that their fate has already been sealed. But that doesn’t stop Hezekiah from going to and doing the work. If you need a hero that fights for lost causes, he’s it. Then, he’s informed by Isaiah of his imminent death, pleads with God for more time, and is granted 15 more years. He’s also granted the opportunity to die before he sees the cause be utterly lost.

A Day in the Life

A New Year

Keira

Happy New year, everyone!

I had an amazing New Year’s Eve party. It consisted of the whopping crowd of 2. It was actually supposed to be a crowd of 1, but Ranger surprised me.

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New Year’s Eve is actually quite special to us. We got engaged on New Year’s Eve, three whole splendid years ago. Come to find out, it would have been Christmas, but I made a comment about how a ring as a Christmas present was tacky, and he had to think outside the box a little harder… oops! Especially, since I had been quite clear that that’s what I wanted in a blog post many of you will probably remember (It’s no longer there, if you were wondering).

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we camped out in our front room this New year, brought up a TV to watch Fantastic Four (it’s what I wanted. We made it a marathon), and reminisced about all that has happened in 3 years and all that we hope the future holds for us. We had other places we could have gone, but I’m completely comfortable just being alone. In fact, I crave it sometimes.

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Actually having a husband home wasn’t the only surprise he gave me. I got another ring, too. It was sweet. He kept hinting that I would get one for Christmas, and then he got me a necklace. It’s 3 years ago all over again! Except this time I didn’t say it was tacky, and actually asked if we could afford it. My fingers have gotten smaller over this past year (I lost my other one in the Christmas tree for a few months until I decided to open that box in hopes of finding it), and my ring was not staying on! Since I don’t want to get my old one resized, and then needing a bigger size when I am actually able to keep some meat on my bones (what a problem to have, huh?), I just asked for a new one. He brought it in, all cute, and brought flashbacks of the nervous kid sitting across from me three years ago. It’s amazing how much things can change all the while nothing does!

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Me 3 years ago. 
A Day in the Life

Morbid Nativity

Keira

So I made a nativity for my mom this Christmas (she’s only been begging me to for about seven years), and one of the wise man’s hands just wont stay on. The problem with red clay is that it bleeds. So I am left with this…

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until I can finish the whole project and stick wires in right before baking. Poor wise man. Just thought it too funny not to share.

(note, it’s not done yet. I’m that on top of it…)

 

Gratitude Dare, Life Lessons

That Time I was Mad at God

Keira

This post is for my friend. It’s taken some time to write because I needed time to think about it and then forgot to come back and write it. I never forgot about her question, just never at a place to sit down and share my thoughts.

There once was a time that I was so mad at God at how my life was turning out. I felt so guilty for being mad at Him, so I’d berate myself constantly. God doesn’t do anything wrong, but I’m pretty sure I’ve done everything I needed to with the resources he gave me. I’d attended all my meetings, I’d fulfilled my callings, I’d kept his commandments. And still things weren’t going my way; instead they were getting much much worse. Almost daily. Family relations were tight. Finances were tight. I kept getting sick.  Nothing seemed to be going right. And I was exhausted.Finally, one day I just gave up. I went for a run to clear my head and the whole time I mentally screamed at God. Full on chewed him out. Told him repeatedly it wasn’t fair and how dare He and that he must not love me at all. Seriously. Stuff we’d be furious our kids said to us. But that’s how I felt. I then sobbingly told him everything I felt was unfair (the perks to running in a small  town: no one sees you bawling in the middle of your run). Just let it all out. And let the shame of my anger go with it. It seemed so shameful to chew out Deity. I wasn’t allowed to chew out my parents, and this was GOD! Totally inappropriate, right?

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Actually, I don’t think it was. Here’s why.

When I had finally calmed down and just bawled while I ran and got it all out, I had a perfect thought pop into my head.

“I am so glad you finally got that all out. Now we can talk.”

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God doesn’t need shame. Me chewing him out doesn’t make Him less of a deity. In fact, I felt such peace and serenity after getting it all out, like I could finally accept Him as deity. It felt like God was saying “I’m so  glad you finally decided to come to me so we can talk about this! I’ve been waiting. I know you’ve been feeling like life isn’t fair. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so badly. But I can’t help you until you’re ready. I’m so glad you’re finally ready to be with me again. I miss you when you distance yourself.” God loves me so much, he just needed me to come to him with how I really felt. But I was so embarrassed that I was mad at God that I distanced myself from Him. Not openly, but emotionally. Shame kept me from coming to God with my frustrations.

What an amazing parent! To rejoice in my anger because it could bring me back to Him. I learned a lot about shame that day. And parenting. And love. And God. He and I still have some trust issues to work out, I’m not denying that. But He’s waiting for me. When I’m ready, we’ll be there together.

So to discuss gratitude: Sometimes we’re not grateful for things. And that’s totally okay. I don’t think we should fake gratitude. It’s like hiding in shame. Instead, find that one good silver thread. Be grateful for that. That’s all you have to be grateful for. Otherwise, let yourself be angry! You don’t have to be grateful for anything you’re not feeling. As long as you do feel it. And if you can’t find a silver thread, that’s okay, too. Just be honest with yourself and with God. Some day, that gratitude will come. It doesn’t have to be today. Just let it teach you.

 

A Day in the Life

Winter Wonderland

Keira

One of the things Pretty much the ONLY thing I love about winter is when it’s foggy-frosty and the trees get all covered in white. We’ve had a perfect pick-me-up of frosty trees lately to make me feel better about all of the sickies going around in our house (It’s been a long week. Ranger’s putting up a good fight, but we’ll see how much longer he stays in the “okay health” range). I wish photos could capture it. Or at least I wish MY photos could capture it.

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There has been gorgeous fog, too. It makes the mountains seem like they’re separated from the earth (once again, sorry the pic’s not any good. I was being incredibly naughty and snapped this while I was driving and in a hurry. To protect privacy, I had to mutilate the photo. And I wasn’t about to risk it more than once…).
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A Day in the Life

Tannenbaum Take Deux

Keira

How’s that for a mixed language title.

So I broke down and put up the other tree. And I’m happy I did. I stole some ornaments from the front tree and moved them to the back and both look much better. I also managed to use up every ornament and I’m happy about that, too! Why do I have so many ornaments!? Oh yeah, it’s because I hate decorating the tree the exact same way twice.

Here’s our old tree, now in the kitchen. It makes the house super festive even without too much decor.

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Who knew red and purple made such a cute Christmas tree? I strung colored lights to help with the dead spot. You can still see the dead, but at least there’s a twinkle there now. And I’ve never had a tree with colored lights since I’ve had my own tree. It is whimsical. I think it only works because the ornaments are red and gold and purple.

I stole all the red ornaments off the front tree and loaded it with more blue instead, and I’m much happier with it now. The red was just too much. But with only one tree, the red had memories I didn’t want to leave off. With 2 trees I could just divide the memories. Problem solved.

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(okay, there is still one red on the front tree, but I decided it needed to be there. Too special of memories).

Gratitude Dare

Day 30: Thank YOU

Keira

Well, we’ve made it. You’re at day 30. Aren’t you impressed with yourself? As you’ve guessed, yesterday was a doosey for me; but honestly, after so long, I’m still chugging. This challenge has been such a blessing to me.

dareToday, our challenge is to thank ourselves. How often do we do that? I think most people see all their flaws and have such a generally negative attitude about themselves. The world is starting to address that issue, but is only scratching the surface.

In writing out all of my feelings yesterday, I find it funny how much I’ve learned about today’s challenge. In the extreme thick of things, I was so upset about not getting pregnant that I was actually subconsciously rejecting my womanhood and femininity, which was a huge disservice to myself! It was really throwing things out of whack, right down to my hormones. I’m serious, I consciously wasn’t doing it (because logically that would be ridiculous, and I was quite happy with the divinity of womanhood), but subconsciously, I was basically telling myself that if I couldn’t have babies, I didn’t deserve to be female. Big stuff. When I finally put that piece into place and realized what lies I was telling myself, I spent time falling in love with being a woman again, and it has taught me so much. Women are amazing, and I am proud to be one. But that isn’t enough!

I am amazing not just because I am a woman! Not just because I am a daughter of God. I am amazing because of all the things I do that I never expect credit for. I am amazing because no one else is like me. Do you know how much one-of-a-kind items are worth? And I’m worth more than even they. And so is every other person in this world.

There have been studies showing that people are much more likely to keep a good habit if they are recognized for them. They will be much more generous if they have received gratitude some time in the past. Do you realize the potential, therefore, in thanking yourself? Think of all the skills and habits you could master! I think we beat ourselves up for negative habits and never thank ourselves, ever. What a backwards concept, if you really think about it. How do you feel when someone else is always nagging? Then why are you doing it to yourself!?! It’s such a detrimental, yet overlooked thing. I know I’m guilty of it.

In truth, we should thank ourselves for everything we do for ourselves.

Thank you for showering today.

Thank you for getting dressed.

Thank you for looking at the mirror and finding beauty.

Thank you for doing your hair/makeup; You’re beautiful without it, but putting effort in yourself is valuable.

Thank you for eating breakfast/ lunch/ dinner; Giving yourself nutrients is very important.

Thank you for using the stairs instead of the elevator.

Thank you for cleaning the house, I like living in a clean environment.

Thank you for doing the basic things that keep us and our lives running smoothly.

There are really a million things we’d be grateful if someone else did for us (even showering. If you doubt me ask my 85-year-old grandmother). Yet we’re not thankful to ourselves for the same simple acts of kindness.

Let’s put it to the test. See how much happier you are at the end of the day after you’ve listened to mental thank you’s all day!