Category: Archives

Posts I wrote before and am either re-publishing from a blog that is no longer or posts that I wrote and never hit publish.

Archives, Life Lessons

Archive: Letting Go

Keira

***Archive: This post was published on a previous blog and transferred here.***

Letting Go” From The Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindoll

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring,
It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go doesn’t mean to cut myself off,
It’s the realization that I cannot control another.

To let go is not to enable,
But to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness
Which means the outcome is not in my hands

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
But to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
But to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
But to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
But to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
But to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
But to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
But to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
But to take each day as it comes.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
But to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
But to grow and live for the future.

To let go is fear less
And love more.

This past week, 2 main concepts keep coming into my mind. Life does that, sometimes [Well, I’m not going to give life the credit, I’ll give it to the divine plan and the powers of the human mind], giving you a theme for the day.  The two focuses of my life right now are letting go and agency. The two concepts are friends holding hands, really; walking side by side. Letting go is allowing others their agency, while reserving your own. It’s sorting through what you do have control over and what you don’t. All anyone really has control over can be summed up into 3 things: personal thoughts, personal feelings, and personal actions. Everything else is someone else’s control/agency.

I’ve been thinking about my daughter, and how she can ride a bike but wont let herself; and how she can swim, if she’d just trust the water. Letting go, to me, is like that. It’s realizing that the water is not your enemy, but your friend. It’s realizing that the bike works with you, not for you. Letting go is just…trusting. And not the “okay, world, I’m going to jump, you’d better catch me.” but, “Lord, I know that you see what I cannot, and I’m okay with that.” Letting go literally, physically, feels different. I had no idea! Letting go is a calming in every muscle, because when you are calm, the water lets you float. When you relax, the bike lets you balance. And when you let go… life does the same. I wish I knew how to spare the world of so much fear and negativity, because I see how hard it is to not let go (and quite frequently have to remind myself of the difference), but I never learned that skill. Instead, I ache for a world – for loved ones – and pray that someday, they can learn for themselves

to just let go.

Archives

My Most Favorite New Year’s Eve Ever. :c)

Keira

So the day before New Years Eve, Ranger calls me up and asks if I have plans for the day. I say no, I was sort of leaving that up to him. And he says good, we’re going to go play in the snow. And wont give me more information.

Later on, he slips that we’re going for a sleigh ride. I think it was on purpose because he knows I strongly dislike secrets. Or surprises. (I need time to prepare. I know, it’s kinda silly, but it’s true). The problem is, he’s still hiding something and I can tell. So I start wondering. Of course, it’s only natural. He slipped a few weeks earlier that he already had the ring (and that one probably WAS an accident, because I asked him while he was tired). I was afraid to hope, though. He’d tricked me once before. So I keep my cool and pretend I’m clueless, in case I’m wrong. Good plan, right?

The only information I can get out of him is that his brother and sister-in-law are coming with us. That’s cool. But it’s also another thing that makes me wonder. His brother and he are super close.

So the next day, we get all ready for the sleigh ride, get lost on the way, and finally make it there. The sleigh ride is great, except Ranger gets called in to work. Now how do you explain that you really need the day off because you are doing something “important” and you cant explain what’s so important, because its a secret and the girl who cant know is sitting right next to you? So he goes to work. Poor thing. But I’m probably wrong, right? And since he got called in to work, it probably wont happen today anyway…

So he takes me to his dad’s house to wait, and we wait. For a while his brother hangs around and visits, but eventually goes home. His dad asks him what his plans are for that evening, and he says “well, we’ll still do that thing, but otherwise, we dont know yet.” And I take note. Vague hints are good… right?

Great visit, but we’re both kind of distracted (probably about the same thing which neither one of us can talk about. Me for my pride in case I’m wrong, and he for the sake of his son… if I’m right, anyway). I get the feeling that his dad’s trying to keep the day special. So I start to hope again. Ranger said I could go home, if I wanted. But I actually really like his dad, and I knew I’d be twice as antsy at home. So I didn’t ask to be taken home.

Ranger FINALLY gets off work, and says we have dinner plans with his brother. Well, that explains the “thing”… But if there wasn’t some news, why would his brother be so vague? And now I can tell that everyone’s a little excited. And Ranger looks a little nervous, but honestly, that could have been rationalized away because he felt bad for having to work in the middle of our date. And his dad’s trying to help him. I notice they both seem to be having a conversation whenever I’m not around and it stops when I come back in the room.

Okay, something is DEFINITELY up. But I tell myself I’m still going to play clueless because it’d be sooo embarrassing if I’m wrong…

So we go out to eat, and we’re in a quiet booth off to the side, with no one else around us. “convenient,” I think. His sister answers for it though, even though I didn’t ask. Says she thought the people around were kind of gross and asked to be moved. So we get all the way through dinner… and dessert…  and I can see Ranger’s brother keep trying to catch Ranger’s eye.

And then I see that Ranger has a box in his hands. And I think to myself “okay, now I know what that is. But this is awkward…” So I pretend not to notice, and I cant make eye contact, I’m too nervous.

And so is he

And I hate awkward moments.

So I pretend to be super interested in what his sister-in-law has to say.

And I guess it was too much for Ranger, because he sort of drops the box in front of me, like “here, take it.” It was so cute because it was so awkward. I guess that’s fitting, because that’s how Ranger’s been all along. So awkward it’s cute. Maybe awkward isn’t the right word, nervous is better. Obvious about his intentions, but nervous.

Well of course I open it. And he gets on one knee. And says “will you marry me?”

And just like me, to make things more complicated in a nervous situation, I say, “that’s all you have to say? No name or anything?”

So he says “Keira, will you marry me?”

Charming. It’s a good thing he’s so cute when he’s nervous…

I asked him later. He was so nervous and he couldn’t remember my maiden name, (and I bet he didn’t know if he should use it or not, anyway) so he just said “Keira.”

Well OBVIOUSLY I said yes.

Obviously.

And then Ranger’s brother says “Dad sent me a text as you were leaving, he said you were so nervous!” Like we couldn’t tell. And I loved every minute of it.

All that, and we didn’t even get a free dessert!