I’ve been staring at a blank screen for about 17 minutes. I’m taking this entrepreneur class (That I didn’t sign up for. My husband thought it’d be a good idea. Of course, he doesn’t understand social anxiety. Or that I’m quite happy with not having a large business/following. Or that I don’t like being told what to do), and go figure, the first two assignments are to write down our thoughts each day for the week (until the next class) and to… TALK to people.
I used to be really good at talking to people. Like, really good. I had lots of friends, knew things most people don’t often mention about themselves, and just clicked with anyone I came in contact with. But I’m not that way anymore. People scare me. I’ve told myself long enough that I don’t need people that I’ve definitely started believing it. When thrown in a social situation, I just feel awkward. I am pretty good at reading people, or at least I used to be, and honestly, the feedback I get when I do read them just confirms it. I’m awkward. Whether they’re really thinking that or I just need a paradigm switch, I’m not sure. But at any rate, attending the class is scary enough. But to add the requirement to talk to people is terrifying. I don’t wanna do it.
But I’m stubborn. And even though I was told I’d enjoy this class (He can’t make me enjoy it…) I’m still going. I’m still gonna do the assignments. Somehow. Maybe my attitude will miraculously change?
Another assignment is to go out on a limb and try to trade something small and of little value for something bigger and better. The group never mentioned names, but on doing a little digging, I know who to thank for this not-so-fun-for-an-anti-people-person assignment.
I don’t wanna. Like really. I don’t wanna! But in order to prove that I’m either gonna fail or succeed, I’ve gotta try. But it’s so dumb! I know that’s the wrong attitude, but I really don’t like gimmicks, and it’s soooo clearly a gimmick. I’m trying to decide if there’s a way I can do the experiment without actually leaving the house. Because not only do I not have the time to constantly drive into town (country girl, here), but I don’t have the sanity! But if I could do it all digital, would that count somehow? Mail is too slow. I only have a week. The problem with digital items is there’s no real way to actually trade. Someone could easily keep a copy of what is traded and trade up. And there’s so many copyright laws on digital stuff, so it’d all have to be original works. blah. Someone come do this part for me, k?
I think I might trade for skills. Like, it’s gotta be a service of some kind. I like that idea much better. I don’t know. And it’s late. So I’m gonna sleep on it. Night.
